Bad Sex Day Tomorrow

The winner of the Literary Review’s annual Bad Sex in Fiction Award will be announced tomorrow (30 November).

The purpose of the prize is to draw attention to poorly written, perfunctory or redundant passages of sexual description in modern fiction. The prize is not intended to cover pornographic or expressly erotic literature.

Previous winners include Melvyn Bragg, Tom Wolfe, Rachel Johnson, John Updike (who received a Lifetime Achievement Award in 2008), David Guterson, Ben Okri and former Smiths frontman Morrissey.

Here’s this year’s shortlist:

  • The Seventh Function of Language by Laurent Binet
  • The Destroyers by Christopher Bollen
  • Mother of Darkness by Venetia Welby
  • As a God Might Be by Neil Griffiths
  • The Future Won’t Be Long by Jarett Kobek
  • War Cry by Wilbur Smith (with David Churchill)
  • Here Comes Trouble by Simon Wroe

The Guardian has a full list of nominated passages, but I reckon this is a winner (from The Seventh Function of Language by Laurent Binet):

He puts his hands on Bianca’s shoulders and slips off her low-cut top. Suddenly inspired, he whispers into her ear, as if to himself: ‘I desire the landscape that is enveloped in this woman, a landscape I do not know but that I can feel, and until I have unfolded that landscape, I will not be happy …’

Bianca shivers with pleasure. Simon whispers to her with an authority that he has never felt before: ‘Let’s construct an assemblage.’


Apparently, many people nominated Donald Trump for his “locker room remarks” revealed last year, but unfortunately the nominations were discounted because the award only covers fiction.

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  1. Do u really believe the world is better under the Biden admin than under Trump? Do u think we are safer, more secure, and better off economically? The big lie that Trump was a dangerous authoritarian who would cause wars n economic chaos was shown to be BS and now the lie that Biden would restore normalcy and the adults were back in charge has also been exposed. Worldwide inflation I put at Biden’s feet through reckless spending, high fuel costs are on him to turning the US from a producer to a huge consumer in relation to world supply and as for security, I don’t think u could argue the world is safer now than it was under Trump. I’m sick of the press always dumping on Trump as if he was a sad joke who achieved nothing and I’m sick of the inconsistency n partisan bias. I really hoped for better from you or at least more of a laugh.

  2. Sorry for my rant that has nothing to do with the bad sex post, I guess I was triggered by the Trump remark n feeling very frustrated with the US which I believe is going to cause a completely unnecessary n painful worldwide recession and as always, the folks causing the issue will be harmed the least by their bad policies n ideas. I also fear the harm caused by a world that is increasingly run by an authoritarian left and big business.

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